Home Alone

My brother’s having a destination wedding! Yep, the big day is exactly a month from now, and just like in the movie the wedding party, my parents are somewhat overwhelmed. So on a whim, they decided to travel to London to help with the preparations, leaving me alone in the house for the first time ever.

Now, I probably should mention a very important detail that might make this announcement of being ‘Home Alone’ a tad bit sad, so brace yourselves, here goes nothing. I am 26 years old, actually I’m turning 27 in a couple of weeks but in my defence, I’ve actually lived most of my adult years alone while I was studying in London. The point is, this is the first time that I’m staying ‘Home Alone’ in my family house, so taking that into consideration, I decided to honour this moment by turning this time into an opportunity, to put a couple of things into perspective. And while doing this, I noticed that the dominant thoughts I have, when I drift into the abyss that my mind spectacularly creates, are thoughts bound within the confines of my definition of happiness, the questions I have about faith and my waning relationships. So take a seat with me, as I reminisce with you on a series of unfortunate events, which pretty much sums up my adult experiences. And hopefully through this journey, I’ll find some form of clarity that may probably help you too, after all, life is the greatest master class.

Saddled with the responsibility of taking care of the house, I find myself sifting through my memories in this house. I remember when I turned 5 and I invited my 2 favorite teachers to my birthday party.  Oh! I remember when I wrote a letter to 2 girls I was angry with in school, thank God I never gave it to them, but unfortunately my parents found the letter and told my siblings, who didn’t waste any time rinsing my life. But, I’ll focus on great memories like my firsts, I remember the first time I rode my bicycle without falling, and the first time I kissed a girl. I put these two firsts together for a specific reason, but I’ll start with the memory of my 1st kiss, I won’t reveal the age it happened, but it was amazing, obviously. So, it happened at the end of a school day, I was chilling outside my house when I saw her walk out of hers, she was my neighbor, a fair girl with a lot of sass, she always made me nervous, and I think she was aware of it. She as always was polite, and during our conversation on that day, we somehow started walking around the neighborhood, I tried my best lines, and jokes which were bad, but she would always laugh. Then we stopped walking and she says to me, I need to tell you a secret and I’m like what? She pulls me towards her and kisses me. I was ecstatic, and I remember how bad it was, like it was an awful kiss, there was teeth crashing, face sucking, it was disgusting but I was happy. After that day, we would have regular ‘strolls’ but after a couple of times it became obvious that I was moving to the rhythm of her beat.

The realization that I was never in control, but I was fine with being led by her, was the start of a pattern that unfortunately still echoes in my life. Going back to the first time I rode a bicycle, after trying so many times, but falling & getting bruised, and still getting back on it. I now ask myself why? and I think it’s because, I knew that once I got my coordination right, it would feel good because, I did it by myself for myself. Which is my point, if I could channel the energy that exists in me, which made me ride a bicycle without anyone guiding me, I should also be able to channel that energy into making life decisions for myself, instead of letting life make it for me.